Last time we pulled together a St. Patrick's Day story, Krista had just returned from a trip to Ireland and had become a Guinness convert -- so of course she made us write about that. This year, though, we haven't left the States and haven't been invited to any St. Patty's Day parties, so we've been forced to live vicariously through our popular friends. We polled them for some great St. Patty's Day tales that might have something to do with food, but all they gave us were more beer stories.

Here are some snippets of their adventures:

While in New Orleans, pal Matt downed one too many green beers and Jell-O shots. After being pelted with green beads hurled by drunk Irishmen, he ended up in a bar called the Dungeon. There he met Hamus and Shamus, a father-and-son pair of kilt-wearing Scotsmen who, despite their heritage, celebrated St. Pat's with the best of them. After a brief Home Ec lesson, "How to Make Kilts," Matt learned another trick: Green beer is especially tasty when it flows out of a hollowed-out four-foot ivory tusk.

Our friend Shaun reports no real stories, just the usual drinking green beer or Guinness -- and a pinch or two if he's lucky. Sometimes he "accidentally" forgets to wear green in hopes that some vixen will give him a good pinch (or more). At least he can remember the night, unlike . . .

Our buddy Craig (a.k.a. Craiggles) has vague recollections of his time in Savannah. He believes he spotted The Lady Chablis (of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil), might have seen a parade, and is pretty sure he sang the lines "Do a little dance, Make a little love" in a restaurant while, of course, drinking green beer.

We don't know if it's back by popular demand, but here we go again: Here's a menu with green food that's not Irish, has nothing to do with the holiday, and is, of course, served with Guinness.

It Ain't Easy Being Green Menu
Honey-Glazed Salmon
Edamame Mashed Potatoes
Green salad
Grasshopper Ice Cream Pie
Guinness

Tips for Edamame Mashed Potatoes:
Edamame refers to fresh soybeans -- they're bright to dark green in color and have a pleasant nutty flavor. You can find them fresh in the produce section of some supermarkets (look for Melissa's brand), frozen in some supermarkets, and frozen at any Asian market.

Buy potatoes that are free of blemishes, sprouts, and cracks. Don't use potatoes with a green tinge: This shows that the potatoes have been exposed to light for a prolonged period of time and contain solanine (a toxic alkaloid).

Store potatoes in a cool, dark place (a drawer or low cabinet in the kitchen) for up to 2 weeks. Storing potatoes in the refrigerator will make them taste sweet; storing them with onions will make them rot more quickly.

Boil the potatoes until fork tender; mash them until light and fluffy. Don't overmash or overbeat them -- this makes them sticky and gummy.

Tips for Honey-Glazed Salmon:
Shallots are a member of the onion family and taste sort of like a cross between a mild onion and mild garlic. They are formed similar to garlic, with a head composed of multiple cloves, each covered with a thin, papery skin of a pale brown color. Look for dry-skinned shallots that are plump and firm with no signs of wrinkling or sprouting. Store in a cool, dark place (away from potatoes). Don't store in a plastic bag, as it encourages growth of mildew.

Fresh herbs can be stored in the refrigerator for up to 5 days. Wrap them in a damp paper towel and place in a zip-top plastic bag. Wash the herbs just prior to use, and blot dry with paper towels.

To get rid of that strong fishy taste, you need to remove the skin from the salmon. To do this, lay the fish meat (pink side) down on your cutting board. Then start with one corner of the skin, and gradually cut away the layer using a sharp knife. As you cut away, grab the skin and pull it up -- this helps you cut away just the skin so you won't cut away much meat.

Tips for Grasshopper Ice Cream Pie:
To make wafer crumbs, place the cookies in a heavy-duty zip-top plastic bag, and roll with a heavy rolling pin or wine bottle.

Marshmallow creme is a thick, whipped mixture available in jars. Look for it on either the baking or candy aisle, near the marshmallows.

Creme de menthe (krehm deuh MENTH/MANTH) is a liqueur that tastes of cool mint and comes in clear (called white) or green.

Creme de cacao (krehm deuh kah-KAH-oh) is a dark, chocolate-flavored liqueur.